If I were to perish from this world before I had a chance to live all the dreams in my life, I’d at least want people to know about my view of the universe. When I look at the universe, I see something similar to a clock. Each life breathes life into another; similar to how cogs turn each other in a clock. We are all connected; we all have our own pace. Each cog contains other cogs within. The ticking can seem chaotic and disorganized; this is because there are many ticks happening at different rates simultaneously.
One can focus on the sounds of his/her/their own life and perhaps find order; or one can embrace the madness of the universe and try to listen to the sounds of it and perhaps lose themselves in the chaotic symphony of tick tocks. The latter is what I have done. I try to hear the underlying structure of the universe and it tends to leave me feeling helpless and a bit dazed. I often lose myself because I don’t see myself as a separate entity. I merely see myself as another cog in the machine, neither more important nor less important than any other cog. Just a simple cog; just a life breathing away at this moment in time.
While it can seem like there are only these two options, I believe there is a third. We can focus on our lives (find the order) and we can also listen to the universe (find the chaos), thus hearing both songs at once. This is what I’m trying to do. I have lost myself in the overall flow of the universe; like a child might lose its parent in the crowd. I have always felt apart from reality rather than a part of it. For me, my connection to myself has lessened over time. Once it was stronger, more intense. Now it’s almost nonexistent. I’ve been trying to find my way back, but it is difficult to become grounded when one has been flying for so long. It doesn’t quite feel normal.
I’ve spent so long trying to make connections to other things, giving them more importance, that I forgot to make the connection to myself. I don’t quite know how and I am almost afraid to as I don’t want to lose the sound of the universe. I don’t want to become too selfish. This tends to happen when I try to make the connection to myself. I long to find the balance between these two types of connections.
A connection can be made to anything. Connections are made any time there is an interaction occurring between at least two entities. These connections can be either people, animals, plants (living beings) or rocks, electronics, books, etc (non living objects). Many times we don’t even see where these connections are happening. Sometimes we don’t even see these connections as good. We see these “things” as obstacles separate from ourselves rather than stepping stones directly connected to our lives and helping to further us along on our paths. We bicker and complain and lose the lesson. When I feel stressed, which usually happens quite a lot, I try to turn my attention to the present. I do this in many ways. Sometimes I meditate, other times I focus on my thoughts (gently following them). What tends to work the best though is using imagery to find my place in the universe. I realize that I’m standing. I’m standing on the floor. This floor is connected to a building, connected to a city, connected to a state, to a country, to a planet.
This planet lies in a galaxy on the quilt of the universe amongst many others. To realize this is something very precious to me. I am gentle because I feel this connection to entities. I feel as if I’m a parent caring for their child. I am careful and calm because I feel that these connections are fragile things and I don’t want to break them. I also don’t want to be the reason for them becoming broken. I am a part of these entities and they are a part of me. Connecting to the universe is the easy part for me. It comes in the form of interaction. Right now I’m connecting to my laptop as my fingers gently type these words. My words will eventually connect with others and perhaps have a profound resonation on their lives, perhaps yours.